These are murmurers, complainers,
walking after their own lusts; and their mouth speaketh great
swelling words, having men's persons in admiration because of
advantage. Jude 1:16
Anytime a person experiences something
that stimulates his or her five senses (taste, touch, see, hear,
smell, and feel) he or she has to tell someone about it. “Did you
know…Have you heard…Did you try?” Well people will do this
same thing when it comes to one’s relationship with Christ. He or
she must tell someone about one’s spiritual experience, invite
others to visit a certain church, and encourage them to do other
spiritually related things. We also see evidence of this in the
Scriptures. Disciples traveled far and wide to spread the gospel.
They were ridiculed and tortured for their beliefs and were faced
with government ordinances designed to keep their mouths shut about
Christ.
When your enemy can’t shut you up, he
or she is going to find faults with you and your ministry. Then this
person may use those closest to you to get you to be less vocal,
consider a different way of doing things, and hopefully get you to
think like he or she whether right or wrong. These may seem like
petty attacks against your walk with the Lord, but they are attacks
that are designed to systematically get you to doubt your faith, to
slow you down when it comes to doing the things of God and eventually
get you to sin so that you will be filled with regrets and have no
desire to want to work for God again. While you are feeling at an
all-time-low, those that you were ministering to will either continue
to seek after the Lord or will abandon their faith, because your
faults will appear greater than the holy teachings.
The difficult person determined to
destroy your reputation for one reason or another will remind you of
your past, talk about the way you look, discuss the way you treat or
mistreat relatives and friends, how you spend your money, your social
affiliations, your interests, the places you visit during your free
time and so on all because he or she doesn’t want to receive a
truth that God may have inspired you to share. The more information
an enemy knows about you, the more he will use what he knows against
you to get you to back off. You may be angered about the way a
person is or isn’t handling a matter, you might expose this person
and when you do, you must be prepared for the backlash. Put yourself
in your fault-finding foe’s shoes for a moment, “I don’t like
this Christ believer. I am tired of this person talking to me. I
don’t want to do what he tells me to do. If he says just one more
thing to me, I am going to tell him a thing or two!” No one who is
at fault who finds fault wants to be told about their faults. Make
sense?
Now sometimes believers can actually
use others’ faults to appear like they have a close relationship
with the Lord. “She is a terrible person! She doesn’t keep her
house clean. That’s why I pray for her, because I know if it
wasn’t for God I would be like her.” Some believers might even
boldly brag about what they do and don’t do in an attempt to get
you to stop what you are doing for the kingdom of God. “If I were
you,” the braggart, fault-finding believer says, “I wouldn’t
help her or even talk to her. But if you do, I wouldn’t mention
anything about God.”
When you are beginning to open up to
someone who you may or may not know is a fault-finder, this person
has a way of criticizing you through his or her questions; yet,
appearing like he or she cares about you. “Aren’t you still
angry at your parents—you know you have a temper? Think about
that before you teach children. Did you ever get over your
addictions, I mean you seem like you are okay, but the other day you
seemed out of it maybe all those years of drug use tend to make you
act strange? You might not want to talk to folks about your past.
Is God really using you to help with the ministry, I mean you don’t
read that well? I recall you are divorced, right, so why would God
use you to give couple’s relationship tips?” Notice this
fault-finding Christian is listing what’s wrong with his or her
fellow brother and sister in Christ to illustrate a point like the
following. “I don’t want any competition and you aren’t good
enough to walk with God much less be a part of our ministry.” For
some believers, they would buckle under the criticism and vow never
to attempt to join a ministry ever again.
The fault-finder is described in Jude
1:16 (NIV), “These men are grumblers and fault-finders; they follow
their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter
others for their own advantage.” Evil workers will criticize you
in the same breath while complimenting you. If they hope to receive
something from you, they will tone down their criticism. Now if they
can’t find any obvious faults with you, they will make things up.
Take for instance the following Scripture, “In their greed these
teachers will exploit you with stories they have made up. Their
condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction
has not been sleeping,” 2 Peter 2:3 (NIV).
There are those individuals who defend
every thing they do even when they are in the wrong. They exhaust
themselves and those around them with all their excuse-making.
Notice Jesus didn’t orchestrate a public relations campaign for
himself. He could have hurt everyone in his path who criticized his
actions, but he didn’t. He used his gifts for good. As believers,
this is what we must do, use our gifts for good. God will avenge our
enemies.
Fault-finders are deceptive. Jesus had
many critical people following himself and others. One Pharisee
named Simon was determined to find fault with Jesus after hearing him
speak that he invited him to dinner. While having dinner, a sinful
woman showed up and kissed Jesus’ feet and poured costly perfume on
them. Simon immediately jumped to conclusions about Jesus because he
had permitted the ungodly woman to touch him. However, Jesus used a
parable about forgiveness to make a point with Simon and then
politely told the proud Pharisee about the way he treated him when he
came into his home. Simon had not treated Jesus like an honored
guest, yet the sinful woman had. The Messiah told the woman that her
sins were forgiven and to go in peace.
In another example, when the four men
tore up the roof and let the crippled man down to be healed by Jesus,
witnesses criticized Jesus for forgiving that man’s sins. When I
read these biblical passages, I couldn’t help but think that many
of us, who God is using to fulfill his will, are being scrutinized by
people that should know better. These fault-finders are our brothers
and sisters in Christ. In James 4:11-17 we are instructed to “not
speak evil of one another”, not to judge as if we are God, and not
to boast.
Now confronting one who has committed
an offense is different from judging and so many confuse the two.
They holler, “Don’t judge…” when they are being reprimanded.
Mistie Shaw, a personal development writer on Suite101.com, wrote,
“Jesus was very careful to distinguish between the way he treated
religious people and ordinary folk…” she cites the woman at the
well situation as an example. She adds, “…when his (Jesus)
beloved disciples did something contrary to Jesus’ teachings, he
did not ignore it. Jesus responded, sometimes with a gentle chiding
word, sometimes a stronger rebuke or reprimand, but his correction
always matched the severity of the infraction.” She provides Luke
8:22-25 for further study.
Some Christians have and are still
working on the dark side—performing evil works for others behind
the scenes while using Jesus and the church as a front. As much as
some would like to hurt those who have hurt them by pointing out
their faults, they don’t, because they remember their past. One
commentor, arguy1973, in a forum about confrontation on City-Data.com
wrote, “The way I see it…when someone (Christian) is in the
wrong…the Holy Spirit is gonna convict them…just like when I come
under conviction…for doing/saying something I shouldn’t have said
or done.” But what the commentor fails to realize, not every
believer hears from the Holy Spirit or reads the Bible often, now
what? Do we let him or her continue to cause conflict amongst the
brethren? Of course, not. Another commentor, Tricky D, shared, “I
only confront people when they ask for help. I try to help them with
making a decision. I always apeak my mind but he is responsible for
his own actions. If he does or does not take my words to heart it is
not my responsibility.” Consider this, what if the brother or
sister refuses to ask for help and proceeds to go on with a plan that
you know is not beneficial to him or his family, then what? For some
believers, they remain quiet and let the person hang themselves.
Most likely, the one who could have spoken up will feel saddened if
something bad happens to that person who he or she could have advised
whether that person wanted the help or not.
We frequently have to remind ourselves
that we are accountable to God. We must consult with wise counsel
and trust in the Lord when we are tempted to hurt someone because of
what they say to or about us.
Loved ones’ comments hurt the most.
It may take a long time for you to get over some things they have
been said because you keep going around the same people who refuse
to stop insulting you! According to Ephesians 4:22-32, “You
were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your
old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be
made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self,
created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Some
people are setting themselves up to sin simply because they keep
listening to others tell them what they consider is the “right
thing to do” but all the while they insult believers by talking
about how much of a fool, stupid, crazy, or dumb they are since
walking with God. How might a believer respond to this sort of
negative commenting? Well Ephesians 4:29-32 warns us, “Do not let
any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is
helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may
benefit those who listen.” Satan would love for us to react to
both the saved and unsaved evily. But we are told in the same
passage of scripture, “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,
with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all
bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every
form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving
each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Now some might
feel that this is a weak way to respond to a loud-mouth, cursing
fool; however, if you follow the precepts of the Bible you will not
only present yourself as one who is a sincere believer in Christ, but
you will also keep your own sanity in the process. Think of how many
people overreacted to a confrontation and ended up in jail or worse
murdered!
Most often what we as human beings
believe is right when interacting with others, is really wrong and
what we might believe is wrong is really right. For instance, a
loved one might say, “Fasting is crazy! I know you do it, but I
couldn’t give up any food. Besides, how is it going to help you,
you love to eat? You know the last time you tried to do it, how long
did that last?” Is this person being very encouraging? But some
believers receiving such criticism would continue to converse and
visit this unsupportive person even during a fast.
Distance yourselves from foolish people
critical of the things of God. Don’t share what you do for God
with others who are not interested nor obedient to the will of the
Lord. Continue to focus on the things of God in spite of critical
people. In 1 Samuel 17:28, David’s oldest brother Eliab had
criticized him for discussing with nearby men what might happen if
one should kill a Philistine who was an enemy of Israel. Despite his
brother’s lack of respect (he hadn’t let him speak) and his
discouraging words, David spoke to other men. The Bible says that
what he had said to the men was overheard and reported to Saul and
Saul met with David. The young boy said to the king, “Let no one
lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and
fight him” (I Sam. 17:32, NIV). Sometimes God will put us in the
right place at the right time so that we can assist others despite
what our past looks like, how young or old we might be, and who might
think we aren’t qualified to accomplish a task.
Ask the Lord to protect you and the
fault finder from all harm and danger, because chances are if you
stay around a person like this long enough, you might find yourself
in trouble for physically harming this person. Ask the Lord for some
patience and love for people like this.
Fault-finders are usually critical not
only of believers, but others as well whether they are saved or not.
It is unfortunate that one day someone, who isn’t as long-suffering
as you might hurt that critical individual.
A foe will find fault
with everyone else but themselves.
Have you ever noticed someone
well-dressed, but then after awhile of studying them you notice
something is out of place? You may mention your findings to this
person then again you might not, because you don’t want the critic
to start pointing out your short-comings. Difficult people tend to
act irrationally when their flaws are pointed out, and if they are
familiar with your life, they might bring up your past mistakes or
talk about how you are presently living. It’s their way of getting
off the hot seat and putting you on it.
No one likes to see their faults
presented in front of them so in order to save face, critical
individuals will take cover by putting you down.
For instance, a fault-finder might talk
about the way you look. “What’s up with your hair? Why do you
dress like that? I would never wear that!” Some will act rudely
when commenting about one of your flaws because they refuse to accept
your advice or rebuke. Although the comment has nothing to do with
what you said, for some difficult people it just makes them feel
better to talk down or about you, because “you had no business
talking to me about what God told you!” In this example, let’s
say the fault-finder was dressed inappropriately at a church event,
he or she says, “You told me about my skirt being too short, but
look at your out-dated clothing.”
“What’s wrong with what I look
like? I’m not tempting anyone’s husband by dressing in long
skirts and making sure my chest is covered.”
“Everything is wrong! You ought to
update your wardrobe.”
“That’s not a very nice thing to
say, considering my wardrobe is modern.”
“Well I’m just being honest.”
No. What the fault-finder is really
doing is covering up his or her hurt feelings for being admonished
for dressing badly. Now the fault-finder turned liar might be on a
path toward God’s wrath. The Lord uses people to reprove, rebuke,
and exhort brothers and sisters in Christ. This person doesn’t
want to admit that she was wrong for dressing a certain way around
married men. Therefore, she is going to find fault with someone who
is trying to help her.
Solution:
Think about the disputes you have been
in with people who seemed to agree with what you are saying at first,
but then uncomfortable, negative emotions and thoughts begin to set in their
hearts and minds. When this happens, you know what is going to occur next, he
or she is going to start finding fault with you. “Well remember
when you said…well that didn’t happen that way and I can recall a
time when you did…” People who feel guilty, bad, angered, or
uncomfortable about something they are doing will feel as if their
back is up against the wall. As believers, the last thing we want to
do is keep them there. Let the difficult person walk away or you dismiss yourself from his or her presence. You
don’t have to provide detailed explanations about your life. If
anything, you can remind him or her how you overcame and how the
individual can do the same.
Listen to the fault-finder just to see
if anything they are saying is valid. Then take what they say to the
Lord in prayer and ask him to give you some wisdom when dealing with
this person in the future.
A look back…
Some of us use to do this and others
are still doing it, finding fault with everyone else but ourselves.
You may recall times you wanted to believe everything that
individuals in your life said, but you couldn’t overlook his or her
past. What they use to do and who they are presently is no longer an
issue for them but it may still be a problem for you.
People who are focused on what others’
weaknesses are tend to have low self-esteem, jealous, bitter, and
angry. Some of these personality challenges we will examine from a
spiritual perspective elsewhere in this book. Unlike God, flawed
human beings don’t look beyond our faults.
Scripture Reference
Ecclesiastes 12:13-14
2 Corinthians 5:10
John 8:7
Philippians 2: 3-4
Prayer
Search my heart Lord and show me my
faults. Give me the strength and courage to deal with my
short-comings. Help the one who has criticized me. Show this person
his/her faults and put away his/her prideful heart. If I have said
some things that hurt this person, cause me to make wrongs right in
Jesus name.
