Fault Finder

These are murmurers, complainers, walking after their own lusts; and their mouth speaketh great swelling words, having men's persons in admiration because of advantage. Jude 1:16

 

Anytime a person experiences something that stimulates his or her five senses (taste, touch, see, hear, smell, and feel) he or she has to tell someone about it. “Did you know…Have you heard…Did you try?” Well people will do this same thing when it comes to one’s relationship with Christ. He or she must tell someone about one’s spiritual experience, invite others to visit a certain church, and encourage them to do other spiritually related things. We also see evidence of this in the Scriptures. Disciples traveled far and wide to spread the gospel. They were ridiculed and tortured for their beliefs and were faced with government ordinances designed to keep their mouths shut about Christ.

 

When your enemy can’t shut you up, he or she is going to find faults with you and your ministry. Then this person may use those closest to you to get you to be less vocal, consider a different way of doing things, and hopefully get you to think like he or she whether right or wrong. These may seem like petty attacks against your walk with the Lord, but they are attacks that are designed to systematically get you to doubt your faith, to slow you down when it comes to doing the things of God and eventually get you to sin so that you will be filled with regrets and have no desire to want to work for God again. While you are feeling at an all-time-low, those that you were ministering to will either continue to seek after the Lord or will abandon their faith, because your faults will appear greater than the holy teachings.

The difficult person determined to destroy your reputation for one reason or another will remind you of your past, talk about the way you look, discuss the way you treat or mistreat relatives and friends, how you spend your money, your social affiliations, your interests, the places you visit during your free time and so on all because he or she doesn’t want to receive a truth that God may have inspired you to share. The more information an enemy knows about you, the more he will use what he knows against you to get you to back off. You may be angered about the way a person is or isn’t handling a matter, you might expose this person and when you do, you must be prepared for the backlash. Put yourself in your fault-finding foe’s shoes for a moment, “I don’t like this Christ believer. I am tired of this person talking to me. I don’t want to do what he tells me to do. If he says just one more thing to me, I am going to tell him a thing or two!” No one who is at fault who finds fault wants to be told about their faults. Make sense?

Now sometimes believers can actually use others’ faults to appear like they have a close relationship with the Lord. “She is a terrible person! She doesn’t keep her house clean. That’s why I pray for her, because I know if it wasn’t for God I would be like her.” Some believers might even boldly brag about what they do and don’t do in an attempt to get you to stop what you are doing for the kingdom of God. “If I were you,” the braggart, fault-finding believer says, “I wouldn’t help her or even talk to her. But if you do, I wouldn’t mention anything about God.”

When you are beginning to open up to someone who you may or may not know is a fault-finder, this person has a way of criticizing you through his or her questions; yet, appearing like he or she cares about you. “Aren’t you still angry at your parents—you know you have a temper? Think about that before you teach children. Did you ever get over your addictions, I mean you seem like you are okay, but the other day you seemed out of it maybe all those years of drug use tend to make you act strange? You might not want to talk to folks about your past. Is God really using you to help with the ministry, I mean you don’t read that well? I recall you are divorced, right, so why would God use you to give couple’s relationship tips?” Notice this fault-finding Christian is listing what’s wrong with his or her fellow brother and sister in Christ to illustrate a point like the following. “I don’t want any competition and you aren’t good enough to walk with God much less be a part of our ministry.” For some believers, they would buckle under the criticism and vow never to attempt to join a ministry ever again.

The fault-finder is described in Jude 1:16 (NIV), “These men are grumblers and fault-finders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage.” Evil workers will criticize you in the same breath while complimenting you. If they hope to receive something from you, they will tone down their criticism. Now if they can’t find any obvious faults with you, they will make things up. Take for instance the following Scripture, “In their greed these teachers will exploit you with stories they have made up. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping,” 2 Peter 2:3 (NIV).

There are those individuals who defend every thing they do even when they are in the wrong. They exhaust themselves and those around them with all their excuse-making. Notice Jesus didn’t orchestrate a public relations campaign for himself. He could have hurt everyone in his path who criticized his actions, but he didn’t. He used his gifts for good. As believers, this is what we must do, use our gifts for good. God will avenge our enemies.

Fault-finders are deceptive. Jesus had many critical people following himself and others. One Pharisee named Simon was determined to find fault with Jesus after hearing him speak that he invited him to dinner. While having dinner, a sinful woman showed up and kissed Jesus’ feet and poured costly perfume on them. Simon immediately jumped to conclusions about Jesus because he had permitted the ungodly woman to touch him. However, Jesus used a parable about forgiveness to make a point with Simon and then politely told the proud Pharisee about the way he treated him when he came into his home. Simon had not treated Jesus like an honored guest, yet the sinful woman had. The Messiah told the woman that her sins were forgiven and to go in peace.

In another example, when the four men tore up the roof and let the crippled man down to be healed by Jesus, witnesses criticized Jesus for forgiving that man’s sins. When I read these biblical passages, I couldn’t help but think that many of us, who God is using to fulfill his will, are being scrutinized by people that should know better. These fault-finders are our brothers and sisters in Christ. In James 4:11-17 we are instructed to “not speak evil of one another”, not to judge as if we are God, and not to boast.

Now confronting one who has committed an offense is different from judging and so many confuse the two. They holler, “Don’t judge…” when they are being reprimanded. Mistie Shaw, a personal development writer on Suite101.com, wrote, “Jesus was very careful to distinguish between the way he treated religious people and ordinary folk…” she cites the woman at the well situation as an example. She adds, “…when his (Jesus) beloved disciples did something contrary to Jesus’ teachings, he did not ignore it. Jesus responded, sometimes with a gentle chiding word, sometimes a stronger rebuke or reprimand, but his correction always matched the severity of the infraction.” She provides Luke 8:22-25 for further study.

Some Christians have and are still working on the dark side—performing evil works for others behind the scenes while using Jesus and the church as a front. As much as some would like to hurt those who have hurt them by pointing out their faults, they don’t, because they remember their past. One commentor, arguy1973, in a forum about confrontation on City-Data.com wrote, “The way I see it…when someone (Christian) is in the wrong…the Holy Spirit is gonna convict them…just like when I come under conviction…for doing/saying something I shouldn’t have said or done.” But what the commentor fails to realize, not every believer hears from the Holy Spirit or reads the Bible often, now what? Do we let him or her continue to cause conflict amongst the brethren? Of course, not. Another commentor, Tricky D, shared, “I only confront people when they ask for help. I try to help them with making a decision. I always apeak my mind but he is responsible for his own actions. If he does or does not take my words to heart it is not my responsibility.” Consider this, what if the brother or sister refuses to ask for help and proceeds to go on with a plan that you know is not beneficial to him or his family, then what? For some believers, they remain quiet and let the person hang themselves. Most likely, the one who could have spoken up will feel saddened if something bad happens to that person who he or she could have advised whether that person wanted the help or not.

We frequently have to remind ourselves that we are accountable to God. We must consult with wise counsel and trust in the Lord when we are tempted to hurt someone because of what they say to or about us.

Loved ones’ comments hurt the most. It may take a long time for you to get over some things they have been said because you keep going around the same people who refuse to stop insulting you! According to Ephesians 4:22-32, “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Some people are setting themselves up to sin simply because they keep listening to others tell them what they consider is the “right thing to do” but all the while they insult believers by talking about how much of a fool, stupid, crazy, or dumb they are since walking with God. How might a believer respond to this sort of negative commenting? Well Ephesians 4:29-32 warns us, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Satan would love for us to react to both the saved and unsaved evily. But we are told in the same passage of scripture, “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Now some might feel that this is a weak way to respond to a loud-mouth, cursing fool; however, if you follow the precepts of the Bible you will not only present yourself as one who is a sincere believer in Christ, but you will also keep your own sanity in the process. Think of how many people overreacted to a confrontation and ended up in jail or worse murdered!

Most often what we as human beings believe is right when interacting with others, is really wrong and what we might believe is wrong is really right. For instance, a loved one might say, “Fasting is crazy! I know you do it, but I couldn’t give up any food. Besides, how is it going to help you, you love to eat? You know the last time you tried to do it, how long did that last?” Is this person being very encouraging? But some believers receiving such criticism would continue to converse and visit this unsupportive person even during a fast.

Distance yourselves from foolish people critical of the things of God. Don’t share what you do for God with others who are not interested nor obedient to the will of the Lord. Continue to focus on the things of God in spite of critical people. In 1 Samuel 17:28, David’s oldest brother Eliab had criticized him for discussing with nearby men what might happen if one should kill a Philistine who was an enemy of Israel. Despite his brother’s lack of respect (he hadn’t let him speak) and his discouraging words, David spoke to other men. The Bible says that what he had said to the men was overheard and reported to Saul and Saul met with David. The young boy said to the king, “Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him” (I Sam. 17:32, NIV). Sometimes God will put us in the right place at the right time so that we can assist others despite what our past looks like, how young or old we might be, and who might think we aren’t qualified to accomplish a task.

Ask the Lord to protect you and the fault finder from all harm and danger, because chances are if you stay around a person like this long enough, you might find yourself in trouble for physically harming this person. Ask the Lord for some patience and love for people like this.

Fault-finders are usually critical not only of believers, but others as well whether they are saved or not. It is unfortunate that one day someone, who isn’t as long-suffering as you might hurt that critical individual.

A foe will find fault with everyone else but themselves.

Have you ever noticed someone well-dressed, but then after awhile of studying them you notice something is out of place? You may mention your findings to this person then again you might not, because you don’t want the critic to start pointing out your short-comings. Difficult people tend to act irrationally when their flaws are pointed out, and if they are familiar with your life, they might bring up your past mistakes or talk about how you are presently living. It’s their way of getting off the hot seat and putting you on it.

No one likes to see their faults presented in front of them so in order to save face, critical individuals will take cover by putting you down.

For instance, a fault-finder might talk about the way you look. “What’s up with your hair? Why do you dress like that? I would never wear that!” Some will act rudely when commenting about one of your flaws because they refuse to accept your advice or rebuke. Although the comment has nothing to do with what you said, for some difficult people it just makes them feel better to talk down or about you, because “you had no business talking to me about what God told you!” In this example, let’s say the fault-finder was dressed inappropriately at a church event, he or she says, “You told me about my skirt being too short, but look at your out-dated clothing.”

“What’s wrong with what I look like? I’m not tempting anyone’s husband by dressing in long skirts and making sure my chest is covered.”

“Everything is wrong! You ought to update your wardrobe.”

“That’s not a very nice thing to say, considering my wardrobe is modern.”

“Well I’m just being honest.”

No. What the fault-finder is really doing is covering up his or her hurt feelings for being admonished for dressing badly. Now the fault-finder turned liar might be on a path toward God’s wrath. The Lord uses people to reprove, rebuke, and exhort brothers and sisters in Christ. This person doesn’t want to admit that she was wrong for dressing a certain way around married men. Therefore, she is going to find fault with someone who is trying to help her.

Solution:

Think about the disputes you have been in with people who seemed to agree with what you are saying at first, but then uncomfortable, negative emotions and thoughts begin to set in their hearts and minds. When this happens, you know what is going to occur next, he or she is going to start finding fault with you. “Well remember when you said…well that didn’t happen that way and I can recall a time when you did…” People who feel guilty, bad, angered, or uncomfortable about something they are doing will feel as if their back is up against the wall. As believers, the last thing we want to do is keep them there. Let the difficult person walk away or you dismiss yourself from his or her presence. You don’t have to provide detailed explanations about your life. If anything, you can remind him or her how you overcame and how the individual can do the same.

Listen to the fault-finder just to see if anything they are saying is valid. Then take what they say to the Lord in prayer and ask him to give you some wisdom when dealing with this person in the future.

A look back…

Some of us use to do this and others are still doing it, finding fault with everyone else but ourselves. You may recall times you wanted to believe everything that individuals in your life said, but you couldn’t overlook his or her past. What they use to do and who they are presently is no longer an issue for them but it may still be a problem for you.

People who are focused on what others’ weaknesses are tend to have low self-esteem, jealous, bitter, and angry. Some of these personality challenges we will examine from a spiritual perspective elsewhere in this book. Unlike God, flawed human beings don’t look beyond our faults.

Scripture Reference

Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

2 Corinthians 5:10

John 8:7

Philippians 2: 3-4

Prayer

Search my heart Lord and show me my faults. Give me the strength and courage to deal with my short-comings. Help the one who has criticized me. Show this person his/her faults and put away his/her prideful heart. If I have said some things that hurt this person, cause me to make wrongs right in Jesus name.