They have been in your life since childhood, elders, those who have helped you become the responsible citizen you are today. However, as you learn more about them, you realize that these individuals have many flaws. You find yourself having to fight with emotions on the inside that say something like, "These people really aren't as good as I thought they were...I really shouldn't be spending much time with them...but they have been in my life for such a long time..." When this happens, look to the Holy Bible. Ask yourself, "What does God's word say about what I see in this person and what he/she is doing?"
As much as we would love to keep some people around in our lives and paint a picture of them being a friend and not an enemy, God will show us different. It is up to us to listen and obey if we want to save ourselves from harm. So how might we guard ourselves from unrighteous elders--especially when we can't get rid of them out of our circles?
1. We stop recalling our past relationships with them.
Too often we think about past good times to justify sticking it out with toxic people. How are you ever going to communicate the "new you" or any reasonable standards when it comes to dealing with you, if your head is in the past?
Don't fear to display what you have become--a new creature in Christ!
2. Question the words, deeds, and actions of your teachers/elders/mentors etc.
You have finally arrived into adulthood when you can question the individual who is causing you discomfort on why they do what they do. Standing up for yourself is what adults do, children go run and tell their parents.
3. Distance yourself from negativity.
The more you put up boundaries around your heart, mind and body, the more likely those who are toxic will take notice and withdraw. If they know they can't move you to go in their direction, to listen to their advice, and do other things that suit them, they won't keep bringing you the negative thoughts, stories and opinions.
4. Look beyond your existing network.
Those who God has shown you are no longer beneficial to you spiritually, physcially and/or mentally will need to be removed at some point to make room for the new people coming into your life.
Don't make anymore time for fruitless elders, and again I say, leave your past memories in the past about them! Start appointment setting with those new people God has provided opportunities for you to learn from.
5. Avoid repeating past mistakes.
An unrighteous elder will no longer have a place in your life when he or she sees you have overcame in certain areas that this person has repeatedly warned you about. For instance, let's say you have a long history of asking certain people in your network for relationship advice. These people know you very well based on your past decision-making. However, do they see any evidence that you have changed? If not, then weak elders will feel as if they still have a right to say and do what they want when it comes to you despite their own personal weaknesses in the same areas, because they see you aren't doing anything different to help yourself.
6. Stop celebrating traditions that hinder.
What are you saying or doing that keeps a tradition alive that doesn't progress you? From fraternal groups to an annual celebration over a relative's home, does your connecting with these people really help you reach your goals personally and professionally?
7. Elevate yourself in every area of your life!
The more you work on you, the less the need will be to reach out to toxic elders for personal help especially in areas where only God can assist. If you and I are so busy connecting with ourselves, families, and others outside of church business, social groups, and other things, then there is no room for people to drip their poision into our lives.
See people for who they really are, and not what you think they should be--this includes elders/mentors/parents/teachers/best friends!
Nicholl McGuire
