Monday, June 12, 2023

Husband Turned Enemy: On Confronting a Cheater - spiritual perspective

People love to post the beautiful moments of their lives on Facebook and other social media platforms, but the reality is for some couples, those smiling faces that have withstood the hands of time, have experienced their share of pain. A suffering that most don't share with anyone publicly, infidelity. In the fictional story based on true events, you will read what one woman did when she found out her husband had been cheating.  

Living in a quaint little town, a married couple named Sarah and David had been married for over a decade and were known as a strong and loving couple in their online and offline Facebook community. Sarah was a compassionate and devoted wife, while David was an ambitious and hardworking husband. Sarah posted many photos of the couples smiling faces. She even shared what they both bought one another each Valentine's Day and wedding anniversary completing each post with heart emoji's and hashtags celebrating marital love and devotion. However, their seemingly perfect life was about to take an unexpected turn that those heartwarming photographs did not show.

One sunny afternoon, Sarah received an anonymous letter in her mailbox. Curiosity piqued, she opened it and was stunned by its contents. The letter detailed David's affair with a woman named Rebecca and the shocking revelation that she was pregnant with his child.

Shattered and heartbroken, Sarah couldn't believe what she had just discovered. She felt a whirlwind of emotions, ranging from anger and betrayal to profound sadness. As a woman of faith, Sarah turned to the Bible for guidance on how to handle this devastating situation.

According to biblical principles, confronting a dishonest person involves first seeking the truth and understanding the gravity of the situation. Sarah decided to gather concrete evidence before confronting David. She reached out to a trusted friend who knew Rebecca and discreetly sought more information to validate the claims made in the letter.

Once she had obtained enough evidence, Sarah prepared herself for a difficult conversation with David. She knew that approaching the situation with a heart full of anger would not be constructive. Instead, she decided to follow the biblical teachings of forgiveness, grace, and love.

In the book of Matthew, Jesus taught about the importance of addressing conflicts within a marriage. Sarah decided to speak with David in private, away from distractions and with an open heart. She wanted to give him a chance to explain himself and express his remorse.

When the time came, Sarah gently confronted David, expressing her knowledge of his affair and the existence of the unborn child. She emphasized the pain and broken trust she felt but also conveyed her desire for resolution and restoration. Sarah reminded David of the biblical commandment to remain faithful to one's spouse and the consequences of straying from that commitment.

At this point, it's important to note that biblical principles allow for divorce in cases of adultery, as Jesus mentioned in the Gospel of Matthew. However, divorce should never be taken lightly or as the first solution. Sarah understood that reconciliation was an ideal outcome, provided David was truly remorseful and willing to take steps to rebuild trust.

In the weeks that followed, Sarah and David sought counseling from their church and received guidance from a trusted pastor. They engaged in open and honest communication, expressing their emotions, and working towards healing their marriage. David genuinely repented and took responsibility for his actions, proving his commitment to rebuilding their relationship.

It was a long and challenging journey, but Sarah's faith and adherence to biblical principles guided her throughout. Over time, their marriage began to heal, and they discovered a newfound depth of love and trust that surpassed their previous bond.

Sarah's experience taught her the power of forgiveness, the importance of seeking truth, and the value of relying on biblical principles to navigate difficult situations. Through it all, she remained steadfast in her faith, allowing it to guide her decisions and ultimately restore her marriage.

Remember, this is a fictional story, and the guidance provided is based on fictional characters and their circumstances. In real-life situations, seeking the advice of trusted religious leaders, legal counsel and relationship counselors can be valuable in addressing such challenges. It is our hope, here at FaceYour Foe, that one doesn't have to obtain a divorce; however, in instances of emotional and/or physical abuse due to the myriad of emotions that come with adultery, it is an option. God hates divorce, but he also tells us in his word, our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. Allow God to guide you through this difficult time. Pray for wisdom, direction, strength, love, and a renewed mind, body and spirit to receive peace of mind and clarity.

God bless. 

Friday, May 26, 2023

The Truth Will Hurt - Your Enemy will Attack Your Mind, Protect Your Mental Health

When I wrote Know Your Enemy The Christian's Critic, I felt the need to disempower the enemy, the one who may have once been a friendly sparring partner trained to get you ready for battle, but unfortunately turned into your worst enemy!

This enemy could be family, friend, neighbor or stranger, but either way, we don't want any parts of someone who sets traps for us or repeatedly lets us down by saying or doing abusive things. However, before we discover that we have an enemy, the writing is on the wall (early warning signs), but do we pay attention?

When I first noticed the signs not just with one but a few "enemies" it started with a change in personality. The smiles and laughs began to slowly fade away, the demands for my time and energy began to increase at times aggressively, and I found myself having what I call unnecessary disagreements a little more than usual. The causes seemed insignificant. I asked myself, "What is going on?" What was happening? Why was their true colors starting to show now? Disheartened by all that I was learning about them, my soul became heavy and I soon discovered I was at war with friends turned foes. 

When they know you are aware of who they really are, there will be trouble, your enemy is going to find a way to attack you with his or her insulting behaviors; therefore, causing you to reflect on your own behaviors to stir up guilty feelings in their attempt to get you to bend to their will or acquiesce. However, we don't do that when it is clear from our interactions and those who have witnessed how we have behaved around the enemy to accept any form of disrespect or abuse, we speak up! When you don't do that, you will find yourself replaying what you should have done, how you should have stood up for yourself...you begin to play all sorts of thoughts in your mind; therefore allowing your mind to be swept by the litany of reasons why this person should get the pass and keep on abusing you without suffering any consequences.

"He was having a bad day. I don't know what I have done to hurt them. I know I don't deserve these abuses, but I've done some things in the past and maybe this is  deserved. He said he was sorry. She said it would never happen again. Maybe I'm the crazy one." Slowly your self-esteem is being chipped away at and eventually you will conform. Your fighting and standing up for yourself is worthless once your enemy is in your head. It all sounds like a bunch of noise while your feet and hands continue to do for your enemy. Your mouth still tells the world this person is important in your life even though you don't mean much to him or her.

The day you make up in your mind to stop taking verbal and/or physical abuse from someone is the day you take back your power and protect your mind from further harm. It's not enough to seek help of a therapist if you refuse to take the necessary steps to disempower the one who is hurting you rather than enabling him or her to continue to harm.

Sometimes the victim will take the verbal insults, but stand up for everyone else. Why? He or she feels empowered when helping others, but what good is that when you can't help yourself? We see many victims on the Internet posing like they are free from all of their positive posts, but the truth is when they are operating in the real world, they are broken mentally, physically, spiritually, sexually, and financially. They come to the Internet for a little picking me up and then back to their miserable worlds with their mental health further disturbed by their abusers.

So the truth, whatever truth you or someone else needs to get off their chest, must be said to the one who is hurting you. There will be more pain and suffering to come, but it's worth it when we are trying to get free from a toxic person. May this truth and the one you think about concerning your self and your situation put you on a path toward freedom!

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and the author of Know Your Enemy the Christian's Critic, Face Your Foe, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other books.

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