Conflict with Your Family - Make this Year a Pivotal Time - Stop Tolerating Dysfunction

Whether you are in low contact or no contact since the holidays with your family or maybe long before the season even got started, most likely you are offended by things said or done by them to you or other loved ones like your children.  For some of us, we recall the times in our lives where we just couldn't take one more negative thing coming off the lips of a combative relative.  The make up to break up merry-go-round just doesn't occur with dysfunctional intimate connections but with family and friends too--enough is enough! 

Managing family conflict usually occurs prior to growing matters.  One attempts to communicate concerns, wishes that certain negative behaviors would stop, and acts on consequences.  However, when there is a war, someone or a group refusing to respect you, the only side you can control is you! 

Family issues tend to arise more so when someone or a group is exerting power and control over the other party.  People grow weary of the fighting so they eventually retreat, choosing to stay close to those who show them love.  No more name-calling, punishments for past issues, subtle or bold reminders of offenses, and controlling tactics from manipulative and brainwashed relatives who love drama more than peace.

As we go along in this life, we determine what we will and won't take from family.  Emotionally and/or physically withdrawing is one way of surviving.  Some relatives might use alcohol and drug addiction to quell negative emotions concerning family members.  One person told me once he drank alcohol around his mother just to cope.  His mother would act bossy, annoying, and wouldn't leave him be.  Others go to their graves never revealing just how much they despise their family members.

You don't have to be that one who harbors ill-feelings toward kinfolk while wearing a fake, toothy grin.  Rather you can be free from toxic ties by simply establishing boundaries.  They need to know when you are unwilling to go along with the program and why you will no longer tolerate certain behaviors.  Of course, you may not want to get rid of some people altogether, but what you don't have to do is put up with their negativity either.

Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and is the author of Genealogy X What to Expect When Researching Family History