For years, I have provided wise content on this blog about how to fight off one's adversary, whether seen or unseen, in the lives of many believers. The victims find themselves being sucked into dramas whether they willingly went along with the script or not. Before long, someone or a group is using and abusing them. As I type, some individuals are still trying to find their way out of the matrix of relational "issues."
How did you or they get there, you know caught up in someone else's drama, in the first place? You had an open heart, an ear to hear, and a drive to want to help. The problem for so many believers is when do you cut off the help, when do you stop saying, "yes" and start saying, "no"? The signs are usually there early on when you look in your bank account and realize you overspent on someone whether they were deserving or not. More signs are sure to follow when they stop saying things like, "Thank you, what can I do for you?" Still more signs when you need help and they say, "Oh, I'm sorry I can't...I wish I could..."
Let's rewind and learn from what we did and move into the future of what we won't? Sound good? I stopped and looked around and I knew that I had done more than enough to the point that I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I didn't want to be a part of anyone else's world whether invited or not. I realized that just as in the Bible the Israelites had to venture to the land of milk and honey, those that I knew had to do the same. Nowhere in the Bible are we supposed to be the milk and honey for others. You are not the supply, God is! I believe that is why for many believers we end up burning out, because we attempt to meet everyone's needs while leaving no energy, finances, time, etc. for ourselves to accomplish whatever it is that God would want for us.
The next time the drama starter calls, stops by to ask a favor, or sends a text or email; rather than say, "Let me see what I can do..." or "Sure, I'll take care of that..." how about saying, "no" like they would to you, sooner rather than later. Here's what that looks like if in person.
You have to suddenly get up and tend to other business in the next room.
You have to make a phone call.
You have to walk away and get ready to go somewhere.
You have got an important meeting or task to tend to.
Here's what that sounds like:
"I'm sorry that is happening to you. I'll tell you what, I'll pray and may God send someone to help you."
"I really wish I could help, but I am in no position to, I have done all I can, and I can't do anything else. I suggest you look for someone else to help you with that." (Keep repeating in different ways until they get the message.)
It was so nice helping you before, but it won't be so nice this go round because I can't do it." (No explanation necessary.)
Drama comes in many forms from casual conversation to a
stare with possibly a tear trickling down one's eye. Whichever way it shows up, you know that the
drama queen is using words, eyes, service, and anything else to hook you. Once you, like a fish, swims on over for a
bite, got you! So, avoid the bait before
it escalates into drama, make yourself unavailable from the start.
Nicholl McGuire is the owner of this blog and the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and Say Goodbye to Dad
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