When the Narcissist Takes Someone, Something from You

Do All Christians Think the Same?

Standing Up to Bullies - Your Controlling Family Members

What keeps relatives from standing up to the controlling members of their families? Fear.  God tells us in His word that he hasn't given us the spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7).  Yet, at times it is difficult to shake fear when you know a family member has a reputation for being one of the most dangerous men or women around!

Most intimidated relatives are quiet around their bullying kin.  Taking great care not to set them off, they walk on eggshells around them in their attempt to "keep the peace."  However, there are ways to stand up to bullying family members by not engaging them in any conversations, avoiding meetings where they are present, and not entering into any agreements with them such as: money lending, volunteering service, or forming business partnerships.

A bully becomes powerful because he or she feeds on others' fear.  When you stop fearing them and you are no longer concerned about what they may do to you, you become the one who is strong!  You are able to face your foe!

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

I knew of some bullying relatives who robbed other family members of their peace and quiet through intimidation, threats, stalking, and other despicable acts.  The common problem was that the victims saw what was happening to others early on, yet they thought the bullies would never bother with them after choosing to connect with controlling family members.  But they did use and abuse them too--over and over again!  Some victims had to use weapons to defend themselves, contact other family members to help and/ or get police involved.

When standing up to bullies, speak the truth but be respectful and firm:

1)  Be sure to do it when witnesses are around that are not loyal to the bully. (Matthew 18:16)
2)  Be prepared to be verbally attacked or physically assaulted. (Ephesians 4:29)
3)  Avoid going anywhere or sitting down with the bully out of public view. (Psalm 1:1, 127:6)
4)  Don't eat or drink anything they offer you. (Deuteronomy 32:33)
5)  Contact law enforcement before you agree to meet with a violent bully. (2 Samuel 22:3)
6)  Don't assume other relatives will have your back especially the ones who question why are you going to say anything to the bullying relative. (Leviticus 25:17)
7)  It's always best to avoid angry men and women rather than trying to handle issues diplomatically.  They are not friends! (Proverbs 22:4)

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Face Your Foe On Confronting the Critics

Those Who are in the Wrong, Refuse to Admit It

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Christian Pretenders Win Your Trust

The words are like honey dripping from their lips, they know how to say all the right words to appear like they are Christ believers and followers, but these hypocrites are not!  The Bible warns, “They profess to know God, but deny him by their works.  They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work.”

Pretenders falsely claim they love their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ while they work to obtain power, fame, assets, and more from them!  They assume that people will do for them because they said they are Christian.  These hypocrites believe themselves to be like God and hope in time to be worshipped.  They boast about gifts and services they have performed for others in the past.  They walk into homes, churches and other places Christians gather and expect acceptance because they may have done small things for the group or its affiliates in the past.  These fake Christians sole objective is to once again obtain what they want by winning gullible people’s trust first then take the spoils of war after.  They suspect that some discerning individuals will find them out, so they will not be able to get what they want from them without a fight.   

There is a war ahead involving a fake person who refuses to be sincere in his or her faith and real with people.  Once you learn that the fake Christian isn’t really into faith, God, church, family, etc. you will not want this person around.  If he or she knows that you are on to him or her, the charlatan will systematically try to discredit you while hoping you will grow distant and eventually leave the group. 

When one chooses to be blind to the wolves in sheep’s clothing, the wolf will certainly take advantage of his prey!  These Christian pretenders often show up when you least expect it quite friendly and accommodating.  Many wolves are brought in by someone already belonging to a Christian group.  The gullible person speaks highly of what they don’t know is a future foe then persuades others to accept the wolf.  

The so-called Christian typically has many associations that are not Christian.  Listen to what they say about a secular group, artists, and others who are worldly, they esteem them.  Seemingly wealthy and/or well-known, phony believers are typically well-connected to other denominations and fraternal groups due to product sales and services provided currently or in the past.  An impressive history, a jaw-dropping resume and possibly many accolades and recommendations, and before long the fake Christian is working in one’s family, the church, an organization, or workplace short or long term while creating much division over time in an effort to get ungodly needs met i.e.) premarital sex, greedy desires, selfish ambitions, fetishes, etc.

The phony Christian really isn’t interested in the people and things of God; rather they are in search of opportunities that Satan thoroughly enjoys.  He too loves to relish in fame, fortune, power, and control.  Once the false believer achieves his selfish goals, the he or she moves on to a new partnership or even better opportunity with another group all-too-willing to give more in the hopes that they will get something too from the wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Be mindful of celebrities who return back to childhood churches when their careers are taking a downward turn.  They seek to gain favor and be uplifted spiritually only to return back to their old ways of life.  Watch as well as pray for the backsliders in your family who take up much interest in relatives when things are bad, but could care less once the help is provided.  Stay out of the path of the angry and violent who wish to take from others by force, they will surely commit abusive acts or worse kill!  Christian pretenders are among us, it is always best to be guarded rather than trusting.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic. 

So-Called Well-meaning Critics Don't Encourage Your Walk with the Lord, They Often Hinder It

Who might be the wicked critic of your faith whether in the open 

or secretly hiding waiting to attack you one day?  

You may want to ask yourself the following questions:

• Is this person someone who just spouts off the mouth everything ungodly so as to make me angry enough to sin?  
• Is this critic someone who I can trust, yet when it comes to spiritual matters, he or she is the last person I think about talking to?  
• Is the critic a person who may have a hidden plan to do harm against me, because I believe what I believe and tend to offend him or her with my faith?  

If someone or many come to mind while you ask yourself these questions, than you might possibly have an enemy in your camp.  An evil critic is anyone who opposes, hinders, suppresses, manipulates, criticizes, ostracizes, or speaks evil of your belief system.
  
You might say, “Oh no, not my mom!  Oh no, not my man!  It couldn’t be my lady!  Don’t tell me, my son!”  A critic turned enemy can be anyone!  Now, why would someone who supposedly loves or likes you be so critical of your walk with the Lord whether to your face or behind your back?  Because chances are, you are doing some things that are disturbing their peace of mind, physical location, and convicting their spirit.  Sounds similar to what Jesus did when talking to the Pharisees, huh?  

The more you talk about your experiences believing in the one true God, the more the sinful critic will provide his or her feedback whether on the phone, in-person, by email, text, snail mail, or through someone else.  A sinful critic may even show up on your social networking page or other websites you frequent all-too-ready to leave a negative, demeaning or flippant remark.  Some will say, “I am just giving constructive feedback.”  Sure.

Jealous, wayward Christians, backsliders, apostates, and the godless are not interested in building up believers; rather they are more interested in doing the following:  proving them wrong, making them look like fools, getting a good laugh or tearing down one’s wholesome image.  Watch out Ms. Goody Two-Shoes or Mr. “I’m A Good Man!” the angry critic is waiting for you to slip up.  

In James 4:1-3 (NIV,) fights and quarrels occurred between Christ’s followers due to personal envy and discontent.  “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” 

Deceptive critics will not share too much about themselves whether online or offline, particularly with believers, for fear that God will reveal flaws in their character.  Therefore, they will use criticism as a distraction to keep the focus off of them an on to others. These critics don’t want godly followers to start praying and guiding them toward Jesus, because many of them feel content without him.  This is why a once very talkative friend is not so social like she use to be since you met Jesus.  This is why some will become easily irritated when you ask, “Would you like for me to pray with you?”  No one wants their flaws exposed even if people already know what they are about.

A loving, sweet, wonderful unbelieving partner may not be so attentive these days to his Christ following wife, because he doesn’t want to hear nor talk about Jesus.  If she should start a spiritual conversation, most assuredly the unsaved partner will start creating a wall around his mind.  There are plenty more examples, like this one, of difficult people who oppose the one choosing to follow Jesus.  How long some of the lost and confused welcome you, all depends on how much more they can tolerate you and your Jesus before they distance themselves from you or push you out of their lives with their mean words.  


Sometimes God will expedite our exit from a bad relationship or friendship before we are ready, leaving relatives, friends and co-workers surprised and offended that we no longer associate with them.  They may say, “What happened?  We use to be so close? You and your brother were like peas in a pod.  What changed that?”  You may respond, “I know, but God is working things out in my life now.”  The critic, who doesn’t like this new you, might comment, “So he’s doing something in you without me in your life, huh!?  I knew you were taking this God thing too far!  God wouldn’t tell you to cut me off!  You are out of your mind!”   

As you learn more about the things of the Lord each day, you may find that there are a number of challenges that you have to overcome personally and professionally.  If you aren’t mindful of who you are in Christ, the devil could set a trap for you which may put you in a place of despair, resentment, frustration and more!  Unfortunately, it’s during these times when we backslide.  

Some of us will obtain something from a former lifestyle in order to make us feel better such as the following:  a strong drink, cigarettes, an ungodly man, an immoral woman, legal or illegal drugs, unhealthy food and desserts, Satanic inspired media, overpriced items, a job that isn’t blessed by God, or do something else to ease our pain at least temporarily.  However, the more and more we get the more and more we want something else!  There is simply no peace when you are unhappy with self and others.  We forget the Scripture sometimes, “Peace, I leave you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you…” (John 14:27).  


When you are feeling most vulnerable, you may find yourself connecting with relatives, friends and acquaintances that are angry, hate-filled individuals, visiting sinful places, or using things that would make your mother question, “Who did I bring into this world?  I know that’s not my child.”  Satan brings problem people and things into our lives, because they get us further and further away from God!  To allow the devil’s foolishness to enter our spirits makes us nothing more than fools!  (Eccles. 10:3) says this about the fool, “Yea also, when he that is a fool walketh by the way, his wisdom faileth him, and he saith to every one that he is a fool.”

Backsliding moments in the faith can happen at any time!  You may be acting like Jesus in the morning and the devil by the evening.  When this happens, most backsliders, turned re-dedicated believers, will go to God and repent, yet those so-called saintly types (also known as Pharisees in the Bible) who have been observing fellow believers’ slow decline, like the critics, won’t have any mercy on poor, wayward Christians.  Instead, they will beat repentant believers up with insulting words about their “supposed” renewed faith whether to their faces or behind their backs.  You quickly learn that the church-going relative or friend you thought you were close to is really nothing more than a foe!  


Think for a minute about an old story of a wolf hiding in sheep’s clothes.  The animal sits back and pretends to be a sheep in order to get his next meal.  There are those around you, who pretend, or suddenly have amnesia about their own mishaps, so that they can feed off of your spiritual energy!  For instance, they may say things like, “Pray for me.  Buy this for me.  Take me here.  Do this for me.”  But when you point out some things that God showed you in the spiritual realm about this person, they go into denial.  They don’t want to receive truth.  All they want is for you to be a servant to them, end of discussion.  

If you were to call them out on their ugly behavior, they would most likely say, “You are reading too much into what I’m doing…I would never hurt you…I know you are trying to get your life together.   I am so over that.  I don’t do that anymore.”  But you may say to yourself, “I don’t have much if anything to give and this person isn’t listening to what I’m saying anyway!  I am struggling to walk with God myself.  Why would some relatives and good friends want to use me?”  The answer to that question is quite simple, because they know they can especially if you have a history of doing for them despite all the negativity they have brought to you.
  
When you have fallen away from the Lord, you are weak and the enemy is strong.  Wayward Believers and hypocrites know this about their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ; therefore, they will use you until they can’t use you anymore!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy The Christian's Critic and Face Your Foe on Confronting the Critics.

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