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Longevity in an Unequally Yoked Relationship

SEVEN MIND GAMES PLAYED BY THE NARCISSIST

They Accuse You of Being Mad - Often Angry

The Solutions - On Dealing with the Negative Relationship or Partnership

If At First You Don't Succeed...

You have heard the old adage, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again!"  Well this rings true when you are above ground.  You have many opportunities in your life to "get things right, do the right thing" so elders have encouraged us in the past.  However, there are some things that happen in this life that you can't undo, fix, or turn around especially when those "issues" impact other people.  Not everyone is going to be forgiving, nice, respectful, or give you a chance for whatever reason or not.  Yet, we have those individuals who grew up in environments or who have been influenced by people who assume that people will give them a chance just because.

When one is determined to be a success, you don't worry over doing what is right, you just do it!  You don't immerse yourself in thoughts of "...will this person/group give me a chance."  If they do, great, but if they don't, you keep moving past the pain, rejection and anxieties.  Here's how to move on:

1)  Don't keep thinking about the failure every moment of every day.  Once you have analyzed it, acknowledged the emotions connected to it, and have discussed it with helpful advisors, you stop the thoughts about it.  "I will not keep thinking about this.  I have work to do!"  Then you proceed with the tasks that need to be completed.

2)  You find good people, places and things to spend your time other than going home and allowing yourself idle time to think about the incident(s).

3)  When in your power, you do something about those offenses you feel so moved to address.  You do this tactfully, respectfully, and quickly, so that you are not dwelling on the situation.

4)  You find healthy ways to express your anger, if you feel like you are powerless or very upset with yourself or others.  A trip to the gym, visualizing the errors just disappearing or burning up in a bonfire, or planning a vacation that takes you away from the environment, these are all things that does the mind and body good!

5)  Try a different way to approach what it is that you desire so much to be a success at.  Sometimes strategies and plans are outdated, no longer supported, or simply don't work to accomplish your specific goals.

So if at first you don't succeed in this lifetime, maybe God has something better or you just might need to make sometime to read his love letter (the Bible).  There is much wisdom in the good book that has inspired many movers and shakers in our society.  Whatever you can't fix, remember you are responsible for what you can, life goes on.  Do the best you can while you're still above ground!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love Myself, When Mothers Cry, Know Your Enemy The Christian's Critic and many other books.

Cutting Off Foolish Communication

Lauren Daigle - You Say (Official Music Video)

When the Church is used as a Match-making Service

It isn’t any wonder that some relationships don’t last between Christians.  If a single man or woman has visited churches over the years with the intent to meet someone new, when the new relationship grows old, he or she just might be out on the prowl again.  These men and women, who look to find their next wife or husband in the church, often find nothing more than disappointment and frustration.  They also will notice that they are creating all sorts of division within the body of Christ as well.  Committed couples view the Christian player as a threat.  Others look at him or her as immature, foolish and someone that would be better off out in the world. 

Using the church as a match-making service is risky and doesn’t always connect like-minded believers.  Instead, some find themselves pressured to get married because the church says so.  Others may not find a partner attractive, but money, material wealth and connections might be a lure for wanting to be in a relationship.

Photo by Nina Strehl on Unsplash

Meeting a lover in church and eventually having sex with this person, outside of marriage, will cause conflict between new believers. Those who are not that spiritually strong will look at such a connection and may feel it is okay to mimic the behavior.  Others will compromise their personal beliefs or possibly existing relationships for a little fun. 

Unfortunately, many back-sliding Christian men and women have spent much time observing potential dates in the pews while supposedly listening to the word of God.  They realize their actions were not good, that they are still spiritually immature, and that their misdeeds have caused a separation between them and their Creator.

It can be quite challenging to focus on the word of God when one is more concerned about getting fleshly needs met.  Using the people of God when one is not a sincere believer is unwise, dangerous and will anger a righteous God.  There is no excuse for such behavior especially when God’s will has not been made clear.  Sometimes a partner or significant other is not found in the church setting, but at other church related events.  Other times a connection is made elsewhere between two like-minded individuals.  

The church is like a hospital, a place where the spiritually ill go to be made well again.  However, it is typically not a place where one should consider dating someone unless there is a specific ministry for singles to connect.  Some churches will set up days and times for singles to study the word together, attend special events, and counseling sessions.

If more people would go to church to focus on the things of the Lord and what his word has to offer, there would be less conflict between the members of the body of Christ.  Singles as well as married couples would be able to attend church without feeling like someone is trying to “hook up” with them.

Nicholl McGuire is an author and inspirational speaker.  She is the author of Face Your Foe on Confronting the Critics and the blog owner.

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