So-Called Well-meaning Critics Don't Encourage Your Walk with the Lord, They Often Hinder It

Who might be the wicked critic of your faith whether in the open 

or secretly hiding waiting to attack you one day?  

You may want to ask yourself the following questions:

• Is this person someone who just spouts off the mouth everything ungodly so as to make me angry enough to sin?  
• Is this critic someone who I can trust, yet when it comes to spiritual matters, he or she is the last person I think about talking to?  
• Is the critic a person who may have a hidden plan to do harm against me, because I believe what I believe and tend to offend him or her with my faith?  

If someone or many come to mind while you ask yourself these questions, than you might possibly have an enemy in your camp.  An evil critic is anyone who opposes, hinders, suppresses, manipulates, criticizes, ostracizes, or speaks evil of your belief system.
  
You might say, “Oh no, not my mom!  Oh no, not my man!  It couldn’t be my lady!  Don’t tell me, my son!”  A critic turned enemy can be anyone!  Now, why would someone who supposedly loves or likes you be so critical of your walk with the Lord whether to your face or behind your back?  Because chances are, you are doing some things that are disturbing their peace of mind, physical location, and convicting their spirit.  Sounds similar to what Jesus did when talking to the Pharisees, huh?  

The more you talk about your experiences believing in the one true God, the more the sinful critic will provide his or her feedback whether on the phone, in-person, by email, text, snail mail, or through someone else.  A sinful critic may even show up on your social networking page or other websites you frequent all-too-ready to leave a negative, demeaning or flippant remark.  Some will say, “I am just giving constructive feedback.”  Sure.

Jealous, wayward Christians, backsliders, apostates, and the godless are not interested in building up believers; rather they are more interested in doing the following:  proving them wrong, making them look like fools, getting a good laugh or tearing down one’s wholesome image.  Watch out Ms. Goody Two-Shoes or Mr. “I’m A Good Man!” the angry critic is waiting for you to slip up.  

In James 4:1-3 (NIV,) fights and quarrels occurred between Christ’s followers due to personal envy and discontent.  “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” 

Deceptive critics will not share too much about themselves whether online or offline, particularly with believers, for fear that God will reveal flaws in their character.  Therefore, they will use criticism as a distraction to keep the focus off of them an on to others. These critics don’t want godly followers to start praying and guiding them toward Jesus, because many of them feel content without him.  This is why a once very talkative friend is not so social like she use to be since you met Jesus.  This is why some will become easily irritated when you ask, “Would you like for me to pray with you?”  No one wants their flaws exposed even if people already know what they are about.

A loving, sweet, wonderful unbelieving partner may not be so attentive these days to his Christ following wife, because he doesn’t want to hear nor talk about Jesus.  If she should start a spiritual conversation, most assuredly the unsaved partner will start creating a wall around his mind.  There are plenty more examples, like this one, of difficult people who oppose the one choosing to follow Jesus.  How long some of the lost and confused welcome you, all depends on how much more they can tolerate you and your Jesus before they distance themselves from you or push you out of their lives with their mean words.  


Sometimes God will expedite our exit from a bad relationship or friendship before we are ready, leaving relatives, friends and co-workers surprised and offended that we no longer associate with them.  They may say, “What happened?  We use to be so close? You and your brother were like peas in a pod.  What changed that?”  You may respond, “I know, but God is working things out in my life now.”  The critic, who doesn’t like this new you, might comment, “So he’s doing something in you without me in your life, huh!?  I knew you were taking this God thing too far!  God wouldn’t tell you to cut me off!  You are out of your mind!”   

As you learn more about the things of the Lord each day, you may find that there are a number of challenges that you have to overcome personally and professionally.  If you aren’t mindful of who you are in Christ, the devil could set a trap for you which may put you in a place of despair, resentment, frustration and more!  Unfortunately, it’s during these times when we backslide.  

Some of us will obtain something from a former lifestyle in order to make us feel better such as the following:  a strong drink, cigarettes, an ungodly man, an immoral woman, legal or illegal drugs, unhealthy food and desserts, Satanic inspired media, overpriced items, a job that isn’t blessed by God, or do something else to ease our pain at least temporarily.  However, the more and more we get the more and more we want something else!  There is simply no peace when you are unhappy with self and others.  We forget the Scripture sometimes, “Peace, I leave you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you…” (John 14:27).  


When you are feeling most vulnerable, you may find yourself connecting with relatives, friends and acquaintances that are angry, hate-filled individuals, visiting sinful places, or using things that would make your mother question, “Who did I bring into this world?  I know that’s not my child.”  Satan brings problem people and things into our lives, because they get us further and further away from God!  To allow the devil’s foolishness to enter our spirits makes us nothing more than fools!  (Eccles. 10:3) says this about the fool, “Yea also, when he that is a fool walketh by the way, his wisdom faileth him, and he saith to every one that he is a fool.”

Backsliding moments in the faith can happen at any time!  You may be acting like Jesus in the morning and the devil by the evening.  When this happens, most backsliders, turned re-dedicated believers, will go to God and repent, yet those so-called saintly types (also known as Pharisees in the Bible) who have been observing fellow believers’ slow decline, like the critics, won’t have any mercy on poor, wayward Christians.  Instead, they will beat repentant believers up with insulting words about their “supposed” renewed faith whether to their faces or behind their backs.  You quickly learn that the church-going relative or friend you thought you were close to is really nothing more than a foe!  


Think for a minute about an old story of a wolf hiding in sheep’s clothes.  The animal sits back and pretends to be a sheep in order to get his next meal.  There are those around you, who pretend, or suddenly have amnesia about their own mishaps, so that they can feed off of your spiritual energy!  For instance, they may say things like, “Pray for me.  Buy this for me.  Take me here.  Do this for me.”  But when you point out some things that God showed you in the spiritual realm about this person, they go into denial.  They don’t want to receive truth.  All they want is for you to be a servant to them, end of discussion.  

If you were to call them out on their ugly behavior, they would most likely say, “You are reading too much into what I’m doing…I would never hurt you…I know you are trying to get your life together.   I am so over that.  I don’t do that anymore.”  But you may say to yourself, “I don’t have much if anything to give and this person isn’t listening to what I’m saying anyway!  I am struggling to walk with God myself.  Why would some relatives and good friends want to use me?”  The answer to that question is quite simple, because they know they can especially if you have a history of doing for them despite all the negativity they have brought to you.
  
When you have fallen away from the Lord, you are weak and the enemy is strong.  Wayward Believers and hypocrites know this about their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ; therefore, they will use you until they can’t use you anymore!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy The Christian's Critic and Face Your Foe on Confronting the Critics.

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If At First You Don't Succeed...

You have heard the old adage, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again!"  Well this rings true when you are above ground.  You have many opportunities in your life to "get things right, do the right thing" so elders have encouraged us in the past.  However, there are some things that happen in this life that you can't undo, fix, or turn around especially when those "issues" impact other people.  Not everyone is going to be forgiving, nice, respectful, or give you a chance for whatever reason or not.  Yet, we have those individuals who grew up in environments or who have been influenced by people who assume that people will give them a chance just because.

When one is determined to be a success, you don't worry over doing what is right, you just do it!  You don't immerse yourself in thoughts of "...will this person/group give me a chance."  If they do, great, but if they don't, you keep moving past the pain, rejection and anxieties.  Here's how to move on:

1)  Don't keep thinking about the failure every moment of every day.  Once you have analyzed it, acknowledged the emotions connected to it, and have discussed it with helpful advisors, you stop the thoughts about it.  "I will not keep thinking about this.  I have work to do!"  Then you proceed with the tasks that need to be completed.

2)  You find good people, places and things to spend your time other than going home and allowing yourself idle time to think about the incident(s).

3)  When in your power, you do something about those offenses you feel so moved to address.  You do this tactfully, respectfully, and quickly, so that you are not dwelling on the situation.

4)  You find healthy ways to express your anger, if you feel like you are powerless or very upset with yourself or others.  A trip to the gym, visualizing the errors just disappearing or burning up in a bonfire, or planning a vacation that takes you away from the environment, these are all things that does the mind and body good!

5)  Try a different way to approach what it is that you desire so much to be a success at.  Sometimes strategies and plans are outdated, no longer supported, or simply don't work to accomplish your specific goals.

So if at first you don't succeed in this lifetime, maybe God has something better or you just might need to make sometime to read his love letter (the Bible).  There is much wisdom in the good book that has inspired many movers and shakers in our society.  Whatever you can't fix, remember you are responsible for what you can, life goes on.  Do the best you can while you're still above ground!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love Myself, When Mothers Cry, Know Your Enemy The Christian's Critic and many other books.

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When the Church is used as a Match-making Service

It isn’t any wonder that some relationships don’t last between Christians.  If a single man or woman has visited churches over the years with the intent to meet someone new, when the new relationship grows old, he or she just might be out on the prowl again.  These men and women, who look to find their next wife or husband in the church, often find nothing more than disappointment and frustration.  They also will notice that they are creating all sorts of division within the body of Christ as well.  Committed couples view the Christian player as a threat.  Others look at him or her as immature, foolish and someone that would be better off out in the world. 

Using the church as a match-making service is risky and doesn’t always connect like-minded believers.  Instead, some find themselves pressured to get married because the church says so.  Others may not find a partner attractive, but money, material wealth and connections might be a lure for wanting to be in a relationship.

Photo by Nina Strehl on Unsplash

Meeting a lover in church and eventually having sex with this person, outside of marriage, will cause conflict between new believers. Those who are not that spiritually strong will look at such a connection and may feel it is okay to mimic the behavior.  Others will compromise their personal beliefs or possibly existing relationships for a little fun. 

Unfortunately, many back-sliding Christian men and women have spent much time observing potential dates in the pews while supposedly listening to the word of God.  They realize their actions were not good, that they are still spiritually immature, and that their misdeeds have caused a separation between them and their Creator.

It can be quite challenging to focus on the word of God when one is more concerned about getting fleshly needs met.  Using the people of God when one is not a sincere believer is unwise, dangerous and will anger a righteous God.  There is no excuse for such behavior especially when God’s will has not been made clear.  Sometimes a partner or significant other is not found in the church setting, but at other church related events.  Other times a connection is made elsewhere between two like-minded individuals.  

The church is like a hospital, a place where the spiritually ill go to be made well again.  However, it is typically not a place where one should consider dating someone unless there is a specific ministry for singles to connect.  Some churches will set up days and times for singles to study the word together, attend special events, and counseling sessions.

If more people would go to church to focus on the things of the Lord and what his word has to offer, there would be less conflict between the members of the body of Christ.  Singles as well as married couples would be able to attend church without feeling like someone is trying to “hook up” with them.

Nicholl McGuire is an author and inspirational speaker.  She is the author of Face Your Foe on Confronting the Critics and the blog owner.